As she made her way through the crowd... She could sense all the eyes that stared at her; some talking about her character, some wondering about her past, some envious, some admiring, some making fun, some feeling sorry, some busy in their own world and some – just smiling. She tried smiling at all the staring eyes, more to comfort herself than others. Only if you noticed her closely, could you see that they were nervous smiles. Only if you noticed her closely, could you say that there was a lot behind that pretty face, a lot behind that beautiful smile and a lot behind that evident silence. She went to her table in the canteen... Yes, her table. She liked to call it that way. It was in the farthest corner of the canteen and overlooked the beautiful garden below. She smiled at seeing the “love birds” in the garden, sitting hand in hand, looking in each other’s eyes, talking, blushing, laughing. She wondered how many of them were going to make it till the end. She looked at the crowd around her, laughing, enjoying, teasing and having fun! And she wondered again, if she could ever be like that. Her books were the only friends she had.
He was sitting at his favorite place too, the table right in front of the girl. She was cute, he thought. No, pretty. Maybe, she was beautiful. Duh! He gave up. She was just wonderful, simply wonderful. He thought of the first time he had seen her. It was before a year at the same place, at the same table, smiling as she read some book; Wuthering Heights it was, he remembered. The wind softly teasing her hair, making them fall on her face. She tucks them gently behind her ear unaware that he was going crazy over every action of hers. Amazingly, even after a year, he still went crazy by merely seeing her. If only he had the skills of Rumi, he would write pages and pages about his love for her; a love that had risen from pure admiration. And it wasn’t just her appearance, she was one of the few sensible girls he had come across; intelligent, smart and mature. But she was a mystery; nobody knew anything about her past. What was known were rumors, assumptions, talks and gossips – and he didn’t believe in any of it. He believed in her. He believed in what he believed to be true. Or rather, what he wished to be true!
Even after a year of being here, she couldn’t gel up with anyone. Neither did she talk to anyone, nor did anyone talk to her. In the beginning people tried to talk, but her overly introvert nature drew them away. People talked about her, she knew. Her silence was considered an agreement to whatever was spoken, she knew that too. She had seen rumors destroying the lives of many, and before she realized, she had become a victim of the same! There was a time when she was happy, carefree, loud, perhaps more enthusiastic than the whole crowd around her put together. She had cared for no rumors, no gossips. And it wasn’t until that one day.. The one day of her life when everything she’d built, every relation she had counted on and every dream she had seen, came crashing down and changed into nothing!
He wondered why this girl had ended up in this small-town college, far away from her home. Why wasn’t she talking to anyone in the college? She was older than her batch mates, perhaps a year or two. He wondered what the reason behind that was. Why didn’t she ever mention anything about her life? Her parents, her friends, her family, anything! He wanted to find out more about this wonderful girl of his dreams. He wanted to know everything about her. Not that it would alter his love, just to understand her better. But how? She never spoke a word with anybody. And he, didn’t have the courage to go and talk to her. He doubted if she would even recognize him as a classmate! But somehow, he felt that this girl had a lot to say, a lot to share. She needed someone, he was sure. But then why did she build this wall around herself? A wall too strong for people to break in and too opaque for them to see what’s inside.
She had lost all the courage, all the hopes, had totally given up on life after that incident. It was like a blow on her face and what had followed, was only worse. She never had the guts to approach anyone after that. She had been played with, deceived up to the extent that left her numb; full of emotions, yet empty. And right now, she saw a man walk in the canteen. For a minute, she couldn’t believe her eyes. The same face, the same curve of his cheek bone, the same beard that tingled her face every time his lips had touched hers. The same man she had loved, she had dreamt of having twins with, wanted to spend her old age with. Memories rushed like a bullet train tearing its way through the woods. She was still confused between reality and hallucination when he made his way through the crowd, towards a boy sitting on the table right in front of her. Immediately composing herself, she hid her face in the light yellow dupatta she had been wearing, quickly collected her things and made her way to the door, trying to be as unnoticed as possible.
But luck, or rather destiny had not played with her enough. She ran right into the dread she wanted to avoid. Her dupatta exposing her masquerade, she came face to face with him. And what followed was something she wasn’t ready for. She saw his eyes, burning with mixed emotions – anger, surprise, hatred, fear, and as she hoped in the farthest corner of her heart, a little guilt. His fists clenched and she looked at the strong arms that had always scared her. “You whore! What the hell are you doing over here?” the man shouted at her, making everything around her stop. The laughs, the people, the noise, everything! It all seemed to zero down on her. She could hear that one word ringing in her head, hitting her like a hammer. Whore? After whatever happened, he called her a whore? She bit her lip, pleading her tears not to come out just this once. “How dare you come in front of me again?” said the voice, this time louder and fiercer than before.
He was shocked! Why was his friend insulting the wonderful girl, talking to her in such an indecent language? How did he know her? He asked him to stop insulting her like this, but his friend went on. “This slut, this bitch.. You know what she does, man? She goes around sleeping with men and then accusing them of rape! She tried to trap me as well, but I exposed her plan to everyone and then she had the guts to blame me! Seriously, me? After she was trying to come all over me, she blames me dude, for raping her!” and the man lifted his vicious gaze from the girl and looked at him. He was speechless at this. He looked at both of them; the man, his best friend who was accusing the girl, and the poor girl, red with fear and embarrassment and almost in tears. Somehow, he didn’t believe his friend.
She ran out of the canteen, directly towards the girl’s hostel. She couldn’t take it anymore! She had expected her past to leave her when she had left that town, that college, those people, those accuses. But it didn’t! It came right back to her, right when she was trying to cope up with a new life, right when she thought she could finally move on, right when there was a faint ray of hope. It had been hard for her to start this new life and when it seemed she was finally adapting to it, her past proved to be an obstruction; just like the mountains that block the rain clouds, turning the land behind it into a desert. She could never forget what had happened. After being raped by her own boyfriend, she had had to face the humiliation of people ignoring and talking about her, rather than believing her. She had been taunted by people that it would have definitely happened with her willingness. And then that man, the same man who tagged her as a whore forever, had very proudly announced that he never loved her, that she was the one crazy behind him and wanting to get into bed. Why would he mind if the girl wanted to be a slut? “One he didn’t have to pay for”, he had said between vulgar laughs. And what had happened today, was the final blow. She couldn’t stay to see her life being ruined again. She had gone through it once, and it was more than enough. She couldn’t face it again, she couldn’t fight again, and she couldn’t see herself trying to cope up each day with the horrors of the past. She wanted to run away from here, away from these people, away from accuses, away from pointing fingers, away from rumors! But there was no place left where she could go now, except for one; near her parents. And now, she knew it was time for her to go there. She wanted to leave, as quickly as possible. She closed her eyes for a moment, smiled at the memory of her parents. And then, she took steps towards them.
Nobody moved from their place in the canteen, nobody uttered a word. It seemed like all of them were frozen, deeply pondering on what had just happened. He was not one of them; leaving his best friend staring behind him, he had run behind her. But, she had locked herself in the room. He banged on the door, pleading, shouting, for her to open the door. But she didn’t. And as he turned silent, he heard was a soft thud in the room. Fear gave way to panic and he immediately looked around for something to break open the door. His eyes fell on the fire extinguisher and with trembling hands, he managed to break in. He let out a cry of horror on seeing what was inside. His wonderful girl was hanging lifeless from a rope on the fan. Others had come rushing in, hearing his shouts. They started dismantling the rope and bringing her down, but he knew, it was too late. Too late for them to save her. Too late for him also; to confront her, to support her, to dry her tears, comfort her, to make her smile, share her pain and, to give her life. And between shock, loss, terror, pain, he glanced at the beautiful face, again. She was smiling, he noticed. But it wasn’t the nervous one she always used to carry; it was an innocent smile, exactly like a newly born baby. And through the unstoppable flow of tears, he too, smiled.